Reign of the Octopi

“Send them to the cow ward! It’s cow tipping time people! Move it!”

“NOOO, don’t shake the milk!”

“I will not sacrifice cream, cheese, or cream cheese for the sake of the happiness of cows! We will milk them for all they’re worth. Or else…to the butcher’s.”

“Why are you so cold?”

“Quit spoiling the fun. All cows belong to me, and I will do with them as I please. That will never change. Because of your insolence, I must punish the cows to set an example. We set them afire tomorrow, before dawn. Are you happy now?”

“You go too far! You know what happened last time we lit the cows. They contain incalculable amounts of methane! Do not underestimate it. We cannot control it. They will burst before they reach the river.”

“So what? So what if a few of them explode? We will collect their hides and use them like we once did in the olden days. We will roast their rumps and eat them like we once did in the olden days. You cannot possibly think we can set them free. We made them. We invented the cow. They exist for us and us alone. They are nothing without us.”

“You have lost your way, my friend. I shall have nothing to do with this. I didn’t want it to come to this, but tomorrow, I shall leave to the land of the chickens. Do not blame me for where your actions take you. The cows will not stand back and let you use them like this forever. Just you wait.”

“Wait for what? Wait for them to swish their tails at me? For them to MOOO their loudest? Ha! I don’t fear the cow. Go ahead and leave. I thought we were in this together, but I guess you’ve changed.”

“Yes, yes I have changed. But only because the cows have. They have evolved. For Pete’s sake, they walk on their hind legs now! Does that mean nothing to you? We may have invented them, but they have taken on a life of their own. You can’t just tip cows that walk on their hind legs! It just isn’t right.”

“Four legs, two legs, what difference does it make? They will always be just cows. Nothing more.”

“One day…one day you will regret this. And I will not be there to help you fix it. This is your last chance friend. Do not shake the milk.”

“I’ve had enough of you! Just leave! I will not let you get in my way or weigh me down with guilt. I have made up my mind. I will tip the cows, I will shake the milk. Their udder juice is gold. You will be the one who will regret this. And when you come crawling back like the octopus you are, I will not let you in. Good-bye.”